alright, i suppose it’s about time i write about myself. this is actually the first time in my life that i don’t know what i want to do with my life. at the age of 5, i decided that i wanted to be a veterinarian because i loved animals. then at the age of 10, i decided that i wanted to be a pediatrician instead because i didn’t want to euthanize animals, and i loved babies just as much. so since then, that was my goal. and it worked out well because i loved biology and was really good at it. then i went to college.

most people have new doors open for them in college. they find new subjects that fascinate them, etc. this was not the case for me. i had my doors shut. out of the 40 classes i took, i enjoyed 4 of them. i realized that i didn’t not like biology anymore, i absolutely hated organic chemistry, and i did not understand physics at all. i did not enjoy my anatomy class with the world famous marian diamond (ann's advisor). i was not interested in memorizing all the bones and organs in the human body. i did not find my physiology class interesting. i was not fascinated by the all the processes of our body. so i realized that medicine was probably not the way to go.

i really enjoyed a seminar i took on health and medical issues (where i met andy) because there were different guest speakers each week instead of the normal professors we had in other classes that were brilliant, but hated teaching. by the time i took a psychology class my junior year that i found really interesting, it was took late to switch majors since my gpa was so low because of my chemistry and physics classes. i also enjoyed a film class i took on musicals (with hayeun) because we got to watch different musicals every week. and of course, i loved the animal behavior class i took, but i decided that i didn't want to spend my life observing animals in the field. i wanted to work in an office and interact with people.

so, i decided to go to grad school in public health. with a bachelor’s degree in biology, i was pretty limited in career options, and i knew that i definitely didn't want to work in a lab. i still wanted to do something related to health, but maybe something business related as well. i was always jealous of my friends who were business majors. their classes were so much easier, and they made so much more money when they graduated. it just didn’t seem fair! anyway, i decided that health management/administration would be the perfect combination for me.

after going to a huge school like berkeley where you are just a number, i decided i wanted to be spoiled at a small private school like emory. so when i was admitted here, i just stopped applying to other schools. yes, the staff is super friendly and helpful, but the students are different here as well. since we pay for each credit that we’re taking, they constantly complain that they are not getting their money’s worth. “this class is not worth ($800 x 3 credits) $2400!” obviously not, but that’s about how much it was for me at berkeley too, and how much it is at any private school or out-of-state public school.

i mean, i completely agree that our classes aren’t as good as i had hoped or expected. my classes are definitely easier, but I still don’t particularly enjoy them. my professors are definitely not brilliant, and they still don’t seem to particularly care about teaching.

it was my health policy professor’s first time teaching, and he was nervous and unsure of himself the entire semester. most students liked my health economics professor, but he taught straight from the book and his exam questions were straight from the homework, so what was the point of going to class? and don’t get me started on my theory of health care organizations professor. almost everyone loved his class because he taught nothing and gave everyone an A. we had two take-home exams that he never even looked at! when i take the time to do an exam i want my professor to read it, even if i don’t end up with an A.

it was also my human resource management professor’s first time teaching, and he wanted to grade very subjectively. his grading scale was 20% midterm, 30% final, 10% participation, 20% extra credit. yes, that’s right, that doesn’t add up to 100%, and includes 20% extra credit. my health care marketing professor taught absolutely nothing, we had to figure out how to do an entire marketing plan on our own. apparently, he’s been teaching nothing for years, but he’s best friends with the chair of our department, so no amount of complaining matters.

one class i actually enjoyed was healthcare administration law. the professor is a lawyer and incredibly intelligent. he explained all of the material really well, and actually taught us useful information. i also liked my behavioral science and environmental health classes, but of course, those are outside of my department.

for the summer, i’m interning at emory healthcare, where i’m assisting the administrator of hospital medicine and the director of service performance on special projects. what i’m doing is not particularly difficult, but i don’t find the projects particularly interesting either. so is this really what i want to do as a career?

my parents think that the working world is no fun, and that i should stay in school and get a ph.d., and become a professor like them. unfortunately, i don’t love being in school and studying, and i’m not very patient at all, so i don’t think i would make a very good professor. i also know that i don’t want to be a doctor (don’t like anatomy or physiology), engineer (don’t like or understand physics), lawyer (can’t write or speak well), consultant (don't want to constantly travel), marketing (don’t like it), or human resources (can’t stand it). so what else is there to do?

i guess i could open up a pet store or day care center since i love animals and children so much, but i really need to make some money before i can do that. so for the first time in my life, i’m trying to figure out what i want to do for the rest of my life. how depressing not to have a long-term goal to strive towards.